My turn!

Hey, I'm still eligible to post, right? Even though (one word or two?) I've taken on a more observatory role with our little blog, I, on occassion, have a few things to mention. First I 'll start with a couplet of humorous stories. Today is Thursday afternoon and I am not at my new job because I have been taking the browns to the superbowl all last night and ALL today. I clogged both of our toilets with mass amounts of hot snakes and ever since we moved, our plunger seems to be M.I.A. Thinking back on my food consumption over the last 24 hours, the culprit is most likely a salmon quiche that I had at my company Christmas party. Ironically, the dog threw up this morning so maybe he is joining in on the sick day. Or a more likely senario would be he is purging the stress of the three weeks that Hurricane "Jenny's family" blew through. Between her animal lover daughter and her dog hater husband, he did some serious shedding.
Anyway, back to the Christmas party. As mentioned, I am new to this company so I don't really know anybody. I sat at a table with the other new girl and one other lady who has been there for 35 years. Let's paint a mind picture: she is sort of a really overweight lady who dresses really sloppy, claims she is diabetic but she eats candy all the time, wears man glasses, and has a bad attitude about everything. She kept complaining about how she could smell my salmon and it was making her sick. Uhhh, sorry.. Oh, and she has these fake nails that are about three inches long and painted slut red. These nails are the only thing about her that say "female." So she orders the club sandwich and complains to the server about the price. When her sandwich comes, it is stacked about six inches high with turkey, bacon, tomatoes, avacado, and mayo. Now I realize that much of my disgust of watching her eat was due to my hating four out of five of the ingredients but the way she proceeded to eat this was so gross. She picked it apart to "get to the good part because oh god, i just love bacon and mayo." I think my face turned a nice shade of green. Just as I noticed the clumps and smears of FOOD! under her NAILS! she started sucking the food of them and said, "there's like a whole 'nother meal under my fingernails." I excused myself just so I could allow my face to twitch freely without offending anyone.
So, that's my latest. I too had a wonderful time with my sisters and am hating the fact that they are closer and now I am the far one, boo! So it sounds like everyone is good: Mom is out of her mind in a new but typicall way, Dad is interjecting fake expletives where he can: "Well chuck you, farley!," Emily is finding her way, Jenny regrets renewing her membership to crazytown, and I have diarhea.