May I have your zip code please?

Emily is a blog hog. Well, actually she's the heartbeat of this blog. We all know Hashifa never posts. But, as I review recent posts, I beg to differ with myself, because I have been the negligent poster.

So, I say to myself; "Self? What topics of interest have you to share?" And she answered with this: "Your new 'job.'" Ah, yes. My new "job."

A graphics project? No. Grocery store checkout clerk? No. The Gap? No, unfortunately, I can never work at the Gap due to an embarrassing misunderstanding during an automated pre-screening survey where, apparently, I falsely confessed to stealing from a previous employer.

With the litter growing to an age that does not require so much of my physical attention (nursing, holding, changing, pulling back from cliffs/ledges/stairs, removing potentially dangerous objects from mouths) as much as my unstoppable ability to repeat commands (go brush your teeth. that room is not clean. flip-flops do not belong in the middle of the floor. put the clothes IN the [effing] hamper, not NEXT to it!) and yet still nurture on demand and on site. I have stumbled upon a vocation like none other.

I am your friendly Call Now, Operators Are Standing By operator. Calls get routed to my home phone line and my computer screen populates with the product script. It usually always starts with, "Thank you for calling to try ________. This is Jennifer, may I have your zip code please?" Quickly followed by, "To ensure proper handling, this call may be recorded."

I have learned new words and techniques such as, "Rebuttal" and "Upsell & Downsell." Some products are kind of cool and just overpriced. Others are curious. Still, one is scammish and makes me feel dirty inside. But, I pick my own shifts in 30 minute blocks, I never have to drive to work, and when I'm not answering a call, I'm returning email, IMing with Emily, checking blogs, folding laundry or playing Go Fish with Nick. I am a mommy with a college degree, aspirations for a Masters degree a love for literature and interesting conversation and I receive minimum wage plus 1% commissions for selling a scrap-booking machine, a language learning program, a strange, little heater and more unfortunately, a self-defense instrument of pain and a tricycle for adults.

Emily suggested that when I work, that I wear a wig and use another name and develop an alternate personality. I'm considering it.

My children mock me and ask me how was my day at work and how was the commute home. Oddly, I like this job. Although I reserve the right to hate it in about 2 months, because that's my pattern; to be gung-ho about something and then to bail on it within 3-4 months.

I'll do some more posting on specific encounters in another post. Now, I have to get the pumpkin bread out of the oven for Nick's Thanksgiving Feast at preschool, shower,wake my children with the morning litany and mantra of "time to get up. make your bed. jammies do not go on the floor. have you brushed your teeth? shoes and socks--it's time to go. brush your teeth. why is your bed not made?"

My life. Currently. Note from Future Self to Current Self: You'll miss picking hotwheels out of the tub and vacuuming up polly pocket wigs and dresses. A little bit."