Part 2: Mom No Longer Flinches When I Say the F Word or My Doctor is a Fancy Gay Man and I Would Like It If He Invited Me Over for Dinner

i had never been to this doctor before. i hadn't been to the doctor since i'd moved to philadelphia. i hate going to the doctor. when i was twelve, i went to a doctor who made me stand in front of hime with nothing but my underpants on. he told me i had a nice body for a twelve year old. i told mom that this bothered me and she told me i should take it as a compliment. i tell you this because it explains why i don't like to see my mom and why i don't like going to the doctor.

i was nervous in the waiting room because i assumed the doctor was male, as his first name was "mark". i took a seat and perused the magazine selection. i breathed a sigh of relief when i noticed a neatly fanned assortment of vanity fairs, advocates and national geographics. then i noticed a tastefully framed print of a cross with scripture in the hall. a gay christian. my new doctor was a gay christian. despite feeling that i was on the crazy train bound for nutty town, i felt good.

my name was called and i went into the examination room. it hurt real bad to climb on the table. the nurse took my temp. i had a little fever. then, she took my blood pressure. she said it was extremely elevated and asked me what was going on. i teared up and told her that my parents flew out to surprise me despite me telling them twice that it wasn't a good time. i also told her that my mom was crazy. the nurse patted my back and said, "all moms are crazy! just wait until you're a mom". i told her that probably won't happen. she told me i would change my mind when i find the right man. i said, "maybe so. but i'm married already and don't desire children right now." the nurse asked me why and i told her that i had ice water coursing through my veins and felt children were loud. the nurse told me the doctor would be in shortly.

the doctor, who was a attractive and fancy man, came in and went over the questionaire i had filled out in the waiting room. periodically, he glanced at me above his glasses. i had filled out the form with funny answers. stuff like, "sure" and "that's a good question" and "bi-polar. jealous?". the doctor said that no one have ever made the questionaire so entertaining. i took that as a compliment.

i was examined and it was determined that i had popped out a rib. the next step was to go to the hospital down the street for an x-ray. on the way to the hospital i talked to my therapist, aunt patty, jenny, hashifa, jessica and micah. i felt really overwhelmed with my supportive "network". i called mom. she and dad were waiting for me at the market. she said that them coming might have been a mistake. i told her it was. i had the x-ray and walked back to the market. mom doesn't like to walk, so i took them across the street to macy's. mom took the dorrman's picture. we admired the pipe organ and a plaque on the floor. we walked further down the street to city hall. mom took pictures of pigeons. i winced in pain because my brain and rib hurt.

micah and nate showed up. micah had stopped at old navy to buy a shirt to wear to dinner. he was now wearing brown pants covered in paint and a brown button down shirt. he looked like a u.p.s. man. this both annoyed and delighted me. mom asked micah where he bought his cool pants. apparently, it slipped her mind that micah paints for a living and assumed that his paint splattered pants were a fashion choice. jessica arrived and we all went to magggiano's for dinner. i ordered beer.

as i write this, i am getting a headache.

mom was in top form. she was loud. she made little sense. she drank white wine. she announced that she now had a butterfly tatoo and had her belly button pierced. i asked her if she wanted to do tequilla shots. she didn't seem that into it. dad talked nate and jessica's ears off. micah said nothing and chuckled quietly. i ordered more beer. when everyone had finished their meal, mom, like she does, pulled out her mirror and carefully apllied her lip liner and lipstick. i had mentioned to jessica some time ago that she does this. i looked over at jessica and watched her eyes dance. i said, "oh, i seemed to have forgotten my lipstick". mom offered hers. i said, "no thanks, i think i'll just bite my lips until they bleed".

micah and nate left for band practice and jessica and i took a cab home. we watched t.v. that's when the bat flew in the house.

*note* this post is full of spelling errors. i don't care. don't judge me.