Sorry I've missed your calls

Dear Emily,

I'm so sorry we have been unable to connect as of late. What with your job and my household demands we seem to be two ships passing in the night. It is regrettable.

I must say that I was very concerned to listen to the voicemail from you today regarding your unfortunate lifestyle choices in response to me not calling you. When you left the voicemail earlier in the week regarding with whom you might need to sleep with in order to speak with me, I thought it was a figure of ribald speech. Not out of the ordinary for you and therefore not something that compelled me to return your call.

Unfortunately, between your hair and your lovely lady bits, it seems your cry for help has landed you in more hot water than either of us anticipated. I was very saddened to hear about your array of V.D.s. Especially the genital warts. I don't believe in H.I.V., but you may end up making a believer out of us both! I believe the gonorrhea and the syphilis are quite treatable although not curable.

It's your heart I'm concerned about. The promiscuity will only lead to a bad end for you as well as those around you. Think of poor Micah. Healthy sex he can probably live without, but what will he do without you?

I regret not calling you back, but I've spent too much money in therapy to bear your cross and can only promise to stand by you (emotionally not physically of course, there is the welfare of the children to consider)through this to the end.

Your loving sister,
Jenny