Broken Eggs and Bottom Aches

i didn't get the job. the interview went well, but i didn't get the job. i thought i might've had it when they asked, "can you start tomorrow morning?". i thought i might not have it when the gay man interviewing me asks, "biola is in la mirada, right?". it is a much better sign when prospective employers say, "loyola", then you say; "no, biola"; then they say, "i've never heard of biola."; then you say, "it's a small private school.". i won't blame this particular failure on biola, though.

before i even took off my coat upon returning from my interview, micah kindly relayed the news (the gay man who knew about biola had just called). i mustered up some bullshit and called to thank them for the interview and that it was "very nice to meet them and good luck with the project".

then, to solidify my descent into complete darkness, we headed to a car dealership to finalize financing on the saturn. i let micah know that i was in "a bad place" and could not be accountable for anything i may say or do. enter: sam. sam is a chipper and optimistic car dealer. he english isn't so good. while waiting for micah to fill out some paperwork, the soft rock staple "always and forever" came over the showroom speakers. sam says, "i rike this song so much." then, he began, very earnestly, singing along.

alrays and forever, reach moment rith yuhhhhhh

then, to make micah laugh, i sang along with sam. my mind was already numb, so it was no problem for me to fix my gaze on sam's and go for it.

every day, love me your own special way.
melt all of my heart away with a smile.
take time to tell me you really care,
and we'll share tomorrow-- together!

i could see micah trying very, very hard not to laugh through the corner of my blank stare. then, i started to almost laugh and excused myself to the bathroom where i waited for the song to be over.

long story short, the korean mafia has granted us financing for the car.

my descent landed at home with me on the couch, eating a lot of ice cream and drinking warm glogg. the glogg is courtesy of the "classy" and wonderful amanda hamilton. this provoked micah into waxing poetic on how "classy" amanda is. amanda is classy. but when your wife didn't get the job, hates her hair and is eating far more dairy than her delicate bowels can handle-- going on and on about how "classy" her girlfriend is, is not the best idea. i subsequently began a lengthy inner monologue about how "not classy" i am. this exhausted me. i fell asleep early and missed my favorite program, "the tony danza show".

most of today was spent with me walking around wrapped in a blanket. i know, i know. it was one interview. i get it.

things are looking up. the sun finally came out today, which gave me the first honest look at the state of my eyebrows in days. i also had a great, long talk with 17 weeks pregnant j.j. bomb. i am this close on convincing her to give her child the middle name, "j.j.". i told her that it would be really funny and would allow her to keep the "foot in the door of her former self". she seemed to like that idea.

tomorrow is a new day, and all that stupid shit. we'll see what else i can pull out of my ass. speaking of my delicate ass-- i woke up in the middle of the night with an intense bottom ache. was it the glogg? no, the glogg lulled me to sleep with an unusual disinterest in my favorite program, "the tony danza show". no, the bottom ache was a direct result of eating my weight in dairy demons. i am uncomfortably familiar with you girls and your deep, deep love for all things "toilet related", so i thought i would throw that in. good--right.