Hashifa: Emily, how do you think this trip is going?
Emily: Oh shit. I could shitting shit my pants.
Hashifa: James, how do you think this trip is going?
James: (Motions "thumbs down").
Hashifa: Micah, same question.
Micah: Good. More beer.
So far, so predictable. We have not known what it is to feel true hunger in the last 48 hours. Mom is out of contol, in every sense that you have ever known. She keeps referring to the husbands as "the guys," she can't seem to shake Billie Jo, and
she really wants us to "do the right thing" and attend Chuck's sunday school class. if the hotel i was staying in had a secret portal that goes all sorts places, places away from this hot, hot crappy town--i would enter that portal with a full heart. i would embrace all the sharp twists and turns and arrive safely, safely away far away from where i am. my stomach is engorged with food i didn't even feel like eating. my mind is a mess with caffine from soda that i didn't need to drink. my nerves are fried from the constant nonsense chatter from my mother. my mother...oh portal! reveal thyself to mine engorged stomach and racing mind! do not forsake me portal for i desire thines release from my dark, dark water of dry heat and big trucks and talking mom in capri pants! portal! portal! PORTAL!!!
By the way, if you are not feeling that feeling when mom is at her most annoying, this should seal the deal: mom is referring to herself as the "cruise director" when it is time to make a plan.
3 comments:
Congratulations, because you have completed your assignment,you are America's next top model.
Seriously, I'm amazed you all came through without brain damage and without a charge of Murder One.
Side note: Both of you look sooo good. I love your hairs! Maybe insanely dysfunctional circumstances become you.
let me tell you something...
your parents look old. real old. did you ever think you might have had something to do with that? because you probably did.
in other news, i know this portal, and his name is jim beam.
ahamilton: our parents are old. they look old because they frequent the portal you speak of.
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