we are back from bakersfield, for two days now. have i recovered? i may never. what was it like? only you sisters, only you can understand. try, just try faithful readers to understand what it may be like to be a member of our "family" and from a one-horse town to boot. huh, "boot". i want new boots. i digress. buckle up and hear:

THE DRIVE NORTH:

highlight:
we in the backseat played games. memory and drawing games to pass the time. i made rude comments which earned generous giggles from hashifa vachoo. when asked ( by mother) to do stupid things, like attend chuck hill's sunday school class, i sang a song that went like this...

no,no absolutely not
absolutely, positively, fuckin no way!

catchy, no?

lowlight:
mother was on the phone the ENTIRE way. the ENTIRE way. inane conversations the ENTIRE way to bakersfield.


THE ARRIVAL:

highlight:
we ate frugatti's, the comfort food of a child of a take-out junkie.

lowlight:
i didn't drink enough wine to quiet the voice. oh, that capri-clad voice.

SATURDAY:

highlight:
we ate tex-mex, the comfort food of a child of a take-out junkie. we swam in the hotel pool. i lost every swimming race and remained a good sport. we watched cable in our rooms and went to the mall.

lowlight:
it was hotter than all get-out. it really felt like the end was near and that the extreme heat was an indication.

SUNDAY:

highlight:
mama hill's 90th birthday party. she's a sweet woman. it was fun to see micah's reactions and interactions with the cast of freaks from my childhood.

lowlight:
mama hill's birthday party. damn! i wanted to get out of there. i had to hug and make nice with a whole lot of major assholes. note: just because you are mentally retarded doesn't make you any less rude.

THE DRIVE HOME:
highlight:
i had almost made it. mom only got angry with me once when i pretended to scratch my head with my middle finger while she took (what she thought) was a nice picture of me.

lowlight:
i miss my little sister every day and thought on the way back home about how sad it is that really the only time we spend together is met with extreme frustration brought on by a capri sporting maniac.

so, that was that. going back to bakersfield with your family is like looking in the mirror when you look your worst. your face looks a little longer, your teeth look a lot more like a horse's, and you can hear your mom talk a lot louder in your left ear.